


Worth It

by cyke93



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Spoilers, Captain America: The First Avenger, Captain America: The Winter Soldier Compliant, Gen, Sarcasm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-13
Updated: 2016-05-13
Packaged: 2018-06-08 05:17:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6840478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cyke93/pseuds/cyke93
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve's lost after waking up in the future. As he figures out his place in the world, he has new orders. Protect Bucky. At all costs. A short collection of Steve Rogers through out all the films he was in. And where we learn that Peggy is right, Steve is a little dramatic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This first chapter takes us through all the movies Captain America has been in and ends with the start of Civil War. Minor spoiler for the last scene of this chapter. Chapter 2 is all Civil War. This started out as random writing one night a few weeks ago. I was so hyped for Civil War that this first chapter started to write itself. I wrote 90% of it but then I hit a block and after Civil War, I found my motivation to complete this first chapter. I wrote fanfiction in other fandoms before but it has been a while, and this is my first into Captain America. My preference is Stucky as friends but I'm okay with them being romantic. This story works on either level. Sorry for any spelling/grammar. I did my best I hope you enjoy and leave comments !

* * *

 

He can taste his tears on his lips. God, it even tastes like vodka, _how much did I drink_? The bottle is empty and great, he can't even get drunk. Peggy arrives. He wants to be left alone but she talks and when Peggy Carter talks you listen. Her words are the only things Steve hears, the only ones that matter.

 

“ _Did you believe in your friend? Did you respect him? Then stop blaming yourself. Allow Barnes the dignity of his choice.”_

 

And she says some more things and stays with him and he feels a little better. But only slightly though. He vows to take HYDRA down. Erksine, Buck, the only people who ever saw something in scrawny Steve Rogers, Hydra took them away from him. At least not Peggy, not her. He'll make sure of that. _I'm wrong_ , he thinks. Someone else had given a damn about him before the serum. He'd marry her in a heartbeat. He knows that now, if they can ever escape this hell hole. But as nice as that fantasy is, he thinks about the man who would be his best man not there at his wedding. And suddenly, everything feels hollow again and another tear falls. And another.

 

* * *

 

 

"Peggy, this is my choice." He says. But in all actuality, there really isn't. Save New York and the entire East Coast and die or crash into New York and still die. It's really a no brainer. He's not a pilot, he only recently learned to drive a car and steal one as well. He hears the pain in Peggy's voice and he tries to mask his. They make plans to dance. He doesn't know how to dance but God, he would love to dance with her. He really wish he could. There's no more point in hoping for a life with Peg but he'll play along. He'll live out this fantasy with her for as long as he can.

 

But right before the plane crashes, he closes his eyes and a calm washes over him. One thought makes this whole messed up situation okay. One thought that makes this all worth it.. that the next time he opens his eyes, Bucky would be there, wide a wide eyed grin telling him how stupid he is.

 

70 years later, there is no Bucky, there's no one he knows, in fact there's not much of anything.

 

* * *

 

 

The only thing he knows is to keep punching that stupid bag, over and over again. This isn't a dream, its a freaking nightmare. Bucky's gone. Dum Dum, Jones, Flasworth, Morita, Dernier.. the rest of the commandos..Stark (Howard) and shit even the Dodgers (Brooklyn) are fucking gone. He watched the old footage, read the history books. It's all too much.

 

He was nearly ecstatic when he found out Peggy was alive. But a lot has happened in 70 years. She's no longer that vibrant young women he met. The sad look on Fury's face said it all. Dementia, early on set Alzheimers. He hasn't worked up the strength yet to visit her. Maybe, he will talk to one of the shrinks Fury keeps bugging him to see.. if only to see how to handle himself when he does visit Peggy. He only bothers with SHIELD because of Peg, she was a founding member and let's face it, who knew Brooklyn can be so expensive. He has no clue what to do, but the only thing he can do that makes him want to get out of bed is punch this stupid bag.

 

But of course, Fury comes in and ruins all that. And the next thing he knows, Aliens. He stands next to a big blond one right now. Then more aliens... raining down on Manhattan.

 

Well after that, things get weird.

 

* * *

 

 

If there is a silver lining in all this, it's that the Alien attack has distracted Steve from everything. Instead of nightmares about the war, Bucky's fall, they are about aliens now. After the battle in New York, it all seems like a blur. He joins in with SHIELD, goes on missions with Natasha. Clint joins sometimes but he comes and goes a lot. Natasha doesn't say anything. Either way, life gets busy, he even moved out of New York because, well, who wants to be reminded of alien invasions. Busy is good, makes him almost forget all the fucked up things that has happened. Almost.

 

He works the courage up to see Peg but it's painful. Sometimes she remembers, sometimes she doesn't. Then there's her crying, then he cries. As much as he wants to be with her, to talk to her, he wonders if his presence is doing more harm than good. But he's had a crappy day courtesy of Fury's last mission and he feels disoriented, like when he first woke up from the ice. Being with Peg helps him remember of a simpler time, a better time. He looks at the photos of her family by her bedside. He's happy for her, really is. She had a long full life. It's more than what he could've hoped for her. But as she coughs and forgets him again, it's becoming painfully clear that just like everyone else from his past, he was losing her too.

 

It also doesn't help when his new friend Sam asks.

 

"What makes you happy?"

 

God, he really doesn't know.

 

Despite what he tells Natasha when she's trying to find him a date, maybe he isn't as busy as he thinks. He's caught up a good amount, he still has more to go through but he thinks he gets the gist of what happened over the past 7 decades. As much as he tries to fill in his schedule, at the gym, learning new ways to fight, he's still looking at the past. The weight of it all keeps dragging him down.

 

He's made friends, sure. He has a job at SHIELD, gets along with everyone there. He's even part of a specialized task force, the Avengers but at the end of the day when he looks at the mirror, he still sees that scrawny kid from Brooklyn. No one else does. Of course they don't, they're all dead. The history books and the museum exhibits don't really show the little guy that much. No one truly sees him, they only see the shield and behind the shield, its cold and lonely.

 

Steve Rogers is alone.

 

* * *

 

 

"You okay there Cap?" Natasha asks, reaching out for his wrist.

 

"I'm fine." He replies. "Come on, we gotta give Wilson his wings."

 

There's groaning in the background, of the men Rodgers took out. She looks pointedly at them. "You know they're not HYDRA."

 

"Thought that about SHIELD." He says pointedly. Natasha gestures to the unconscious solider next to them. "It's been a rough couple of days, come on." He adds and keeps moving.

 

It's a good thing Natasha is the one driving them back to Sam's from Ft. Meade. He's running red hot, there's an anger in the pit of his stomach. Natasha was right, he did die for nothing. Bucky died for nothing. He has to take a deep breath to calm himself. If there is one thing he's good at, its taking down HYDRA thugs.

 

It's a calming thought.

 

* * *

 

 

Great, its the metal arm again. There's no time to think, only move. And right now he's moving to said metal arm to get him away from Natasha. He's another super soldier but Steve figured as much from their first encounter.. and the fact he ripped Sidwell and the steering wheel from the car. After stopping an alien invasion, nothing is really that shocking, well the HYDRA thing, that kind of threw him for a loop.

 

But as they fight and move, the mask comes out.

 

"Bucky." He says out breath.

 

He's wrong. If Fury was still alive, he'd give him another $10. No his whole wallet.

 

All the air is knocked out of his lungs and he's on his knees, doesn't know if it was from the shock or Rumlow behind him putting some sort of cuffs on him and yelling for him to go down.

 

But he hear none of it. Bucky, his mind repeats.

 

Bucky.

 

Bucky.

 

Bucky. He's alive?

 

* * *

 

It's a weird sense of de ja vu.

 

On the Valkyrie, there really wasn't any choice, the Captain was going down with that plane. And now here on the hellicarrier, he could jump out and leave or stay with Bucky. There really isn't a choice, it's Bucky. It's always been Bucky. He hasn't had the time to fully digest everything that's happened but lord only knows what those HYDRA bastards did to him. They messed with his brain, he knows that much. He's like one of those mindless drones that Tony makes. He's not an idiot, he knows there's a good chance that the Bucky he knew and loved is truly dead, that the thing in front of him is just his body. And that Bucky's essence.. his soul is gone.

 

But Steve's always been stubborn. If there is a chance that Bucky is in there somewhere, he's going to take it. The mission is over, the hellicarriers are going down and he can put down his shield. Literally, he puts it down and lets it falls into the water. This is once again his choice and he chooses to stay with Bucky, until the end of the line and all that crap.

 

On the Valkyrie, it was already hard enough to see a life beyond without Bucky. Now, he sees nothing. The choice of whether he lives or dies belongs with Bucky now. If Bucky is truly gone, then he will also go down with this ship and hopefully this time he gets dying right, that when he wakes up next, Bucky will be there but probably not with a grin but a little pissed off.

 

Yeah, Bucky would be pissed.

 

The next time Steve wakes up though, it's Sam next to him instead.

 

It takes a moment but he remembers falling, hitting the water and thinking at least its not that cold like the last time. And then he remembers it, being dragged up, air in his lungs, feet wading through water, the sound of a metal arm gripping his shoulder tightly. Suddenly, it doesn't matter how much everything hurts, how many times he was shot or stabbed.

 

Bucky had saved him.

 

He's so thrilled, he comes up with some quip remark to Sam.

 

"On your left." Steve mumbles out.

 

Sam looks at him and smiles.

 

Steve closes his eyes, and even though he's banged up as hell, he's smiling too. At least on the inside because he has a busted lip and his head has been smashed in.

 

But it's okay. For the first time in a long time, everything is okay... well not really okay. But either way, he's alive and so is Bucky.

 

Bucky... _his_ Bucky is alive.

 

* * *

 

 

Thanks to super healing, Steve is out of the hospital in no time. His first place to visit was the cemetery, thankful for Natasha for giving him this file. If he could only read Russian but he'd get Hill to help him with that. He's thankful for Sam for staying with him, he'd only known him a short time but Steve knew in his gut he could trust him. After glancing the first page of the file, seeing The Winter Solider and Bucky Barnes, Steve is more determined than ever to get his friend back.

 

But first, a stop to the bank.

 

As he walks around and sees all the equipment, it suddenly becomes very real. His time in the hospital left him sleepless, with thoughts of what Hydra had done to Bucky over the course of 70 years. In that time, there was a lot of things his mind imagined, all awful and gut wrenching. But now seeing the signs of.. he doesn't know a word to describe it, torture would be too kind a word. The tank, the chains, the drugs, the chair.. the chair. Leather bound, _soiled_.

 

"We get it." Sam interrupts the federal agent who was showing them around. Sam can see the color disappearing from Steve's face as the agent toured them around and telling them the inlet they had on this hideout, one of many they can assume.

 

Steve bolts out of there as fast as he could, wrapping around the building to a back ally, putting his hands against the concrete wall and throwing up everything and anything that was inside of him. He collapses to his knees, tears coming down his face. He hears footsteps moments later, doesn't need to look back to see Sam standing there, his back to him, standing guard, letting Steve have this moment.

 

Steve muffles his cries as his mind imagined of all the different ways Hydra tortured Bucky. The man with an easy smile, charming personality, who took care of him when he was too sick to care for himself, who was there for him after his mom died, who never treated him anything less than his best friend. He threw up some more, dry heaving eventually. It takes nearly twenty more minutes for Steve to calm himself down and get back up on his feet. Whatever Steve was feeling was nothing to what Bucky actually went through. There is no time for breaking down, there was only his new mission. To find Bucky.

 

"Thank you." Steve said quietly.

 

"There's nothing to thank." Sam said non-nonchalantly as if nothing happened.

 

* * *

 

 

Hill works fast. Having the translations of the file in front of him, more of his worst fears came to light, methods of torture, kill lists, mission protocols, etc. By the time Sam comes over the next morning, Steve's eyes are blood shot red, his skin pale and clammy. His stomach empty.

 

"Do I even want to know?" Sam asks. He'd heard plenty of stories working at the VA. He was a trained professional, he could handle this.

 

Steve points to the file.

 

“God, if this had happened Riley,” Sam says softly. "We're going to find him." Sam says determined and Steve must look as sad as Sam does because he hugs him. Steve's pretty sure he needed a hug too.

 

. . .

 

Sam's eyes narrow at him, they are sharp just like the nickname Nat gave him. Falcon. Sam's biting his tongue and Steve sighs.

 

"What?" Steve asks, already knowing where there this is going.

 

"I didn't say anything." Sam turns away. "I mean, this was like what, the tenth dead end."

 

"Just go ahead and say we're wasting our time."

 

"No, you are."

 

"What?"

 

"We should've never came here, I told you that. You could've been doing something else."

 

"It was a lead.And what else would I be doing? I have to find him Sam."

 

"It was a weak lead at best and didn't require us flying halfway around the world to find an amputee getting a new prosthesis." Sam sighs, "You could've joined Natasha."

 

"Natasha has HYDRA covered. They know I'm looking Bucky.”

 

"Seems like he doesn't want to be found."

 

"Obviously." Steve replied bitterly. "Look, it's not like I didn't think this was going to be easy. No one

knew about him for seventy years."

 

"I get that but we have to be smart."

 

"Calling me an idiot Sam?" Steve raised an eyebrow.

 

Sam smirks back, hoping not to get Steve back into bitch mode.

 

"I'm saying we have to look at the facts.. which at the moment is not a lot. But as the most objective person here, this is how I see it. The last time we had definitive proof of where your boy was, was in DC 6 months ago."

 

He remembers the surveillance video from the Smithsonian. He watched it a million times, Bucky walking around for almost an hour. He stares at his own memorial for almost fifteen.

 

"Are you saying I should stop?" Steve says more slowly, softly.

 

"I'm saying we need to be smart."

 

Steve snorts and he doesn't even need to look at a mirror to know that he's sadder than ever. "I really am grasping at straws aren't I?" Steve sighs and runs his hand through his hair.

 

"I'm just saying, you're thinking with your heart not with your head.. and I get it, if it were Riley instead of Bucky...I get it."

 

Steve nods. "I just can't not do anything." Steve says more calmly.

 

"Last time I checked, Fury is after HYDRA.. Natasha is after HYDRA.."

 

"You kicking me out of my own search?" Steve snorts.

 

"Ever since DC, its either about Banes or how much you hate HYDRA for what they did to you, to Barnes.. look, what I'm trying to get at is that big old heart of yours isn't needed right now... but Nat and Fury and you're other superhero friends could use the super solider to actually get at those bastards."

 

"Well, I can't say that bashing the head of HYDRA mooks doesn't sound appealing, but I still need to find Bucky."

 

"I can go on and try and find him."

 

"Sam.."

 

"Look Steve, we need someone who's objective and let's face it, with Barnes, you're not. You can do a whole lot more good going after HYDRA than running around with me chasing dead ends."

 

"I can' ask you to do that.. "

 

"You forget I signed up for this mission and I'd do it all over again.. and besides I'm not much good on the field with out my wings. And until Stark gets me a new pair, this.. to find Bucky, that I can do."

 

Steve bites his lips and nods. For once, he does what Sam suggests. He meets up with Nat and Clint a few days later in a suburb outside of Paris. At the end of their raid, he's no step closer to finding Bucky but four HYDRA agents go down with a swing of his shield, five meet his fists, three he drops kicks.

 

He may not be okay, but he does feel a little better.

 

 

* * *

 

 

"Avenging is your world and your world is crazy."

 

Steve smiles at Sam and looks out at the crowd in front of them. It's been more months of dead ends but the last major (that they know of ) HYDRA target has been taken out. Steve allows himself a moment to celebrate even though Bucky is still no step closer to being found. But one good thing, it seems that HYDRA hasn't had any luck either. Logic would dictate that Bucky MUST be okay. He pulled him out of that river, no one else can tell him otherwise. He's a trained assassin/spy and for the past fifty years has been nothing more than a ghost story. At least that's what Sam reminds Steve and at least Sam has experience as a counselor, treating people more messed up than him. Steve holds onto that fact because the alternative is too hard to process. But tonight is meant to celebrate. He enjoys the rest of the party. He bids Sam farewell but brings him news that Stark should have new wings for him in a few weeks.

 

The team has a meaningful laugh at the expense of Thor's hammer. The modern world, so strange, Steve thinks as he tries to move a hammer off the coffee table, a magical hammer that only allows itself to be lifted if you are worthy. Does that mean, it thinks?

 

And shortly afterwards, something else that thinks, a robot. One not named Jarvis and one with issues.

Steve feels dread in the pit of his stomach. Not again.

 

* * *

 

 

"I'm sorry Steve."

 

"It's okay." Steve tries to give him a smile. "I know you tried."

 

"We'll find him, I know we will." But even Sam's usual upbeat voice is down a notch.

 

Steve just nods. He knew chances of finding Bucky were small but still, he had hoped. It's been a little rough after the destruction of Sakovia. Even though they won, it still felt like a loss. He just wanted some good news.

 

"I just wish.." He sighs and Sam can hear the defeat in his voice, the man has been put through a lot lately. "I just wish he was okay." He says softly.

 

Sam places his hand on Cap's shoulder. "He is."

 

Steve snorts, not believing him. He's been telling himself that he must be okay and why he let himself go after HYDRA, not that he minded though. Taking them out turned out to be more therapeutic than he realized.

 

"Like I told you, all the intel you pulled from all the Hydra raids and Van Strucken, they were looking for him too. He's been a myth for how long now and he pulled you out of that river a year ago. He knows how to hide."

 

Rogers wants to protest, to remind him that Bucky was put on ice, just like him.. worst than him. But he's tired and today is not a day to remain down beat. He still has work to do. He nods his head and gestures for Sam to follow him. Steve opens the door. Sam's face changes from solemn to school boy giddy.

 

"Enjoy the new wings." Steve smirks and leave Sam to it to meet up with Tony and Thor.

 

Later on, as Steve watches Tony drive away, he feels a little bit better. He's no step closer to finding Bucky, but after all the shit (aliens, Hydra, robots, etc) he's been through, he's still here with people to look after and who look after him. Saving the world a few times now can do wonders in the bonding department. He has genuine friends now in Sam, Natasha.. shoot even Tony too now. Thor and Bruce may be gone but at least Clint is a phone call away. He can keep drowning on the past or move forward. He signed up to the army, to serve, to protect those who can't protect themselves.. to be someone else's Bucky. He has that now with the shield and with the Avengers. Like he told Tony, the man who came out of the ice is different, he has a new home now.

 

* * *

 

 

"He remembered you, you know.. your buddy, your pal, your Bucky." And with those words, Steve is frozen in fear, in anger, in surprise... in everything. When he finally comes to, there's smoke and screams and Wanda in tears.

 

Steve's voice is shaky.

 

"You okay?" Natasha asks as she rushes towards them, Sam right behind her. He's holding onto a frantic Wanda.

 

“Yeah.”

 

He lies to them because in reality, he's not. He is not okay.

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you haven't seen Civil War, then this chapter may not make sense to you. It basically follows Steve's journey through out the movie. I'm not going to lie, my first viewing of Civil War left me numb. I honestly didn't know what to think, so much anticipation, build up and looking up #stucky tags and fanfiction. All that plus my weak bladder took me out of the movie. I felt slightly disappointed in Steve and Bucky (but everything else was damn awesome) but for me I wanted more Steve/Bucky and I felt like I didn't get it. But this movie is A LOT to take in. After reading some other people's comments and some thinking, I started to change my mind. A second viewing really opened my eyes. There are no hugs and I love yous and some people are so mad that romantic stucky didn't become canon but I think people are missing the point of this movie. This is a movie about Steve's love for Bucky and what he would do for Bucky. It's a love story that works whether you ship them as friends or lovers that doesn't need to utter the actual word “love” to show it. It's tragic and beautiful all at the same time. Some parts of this chapter I added myself, other parts I embellished based off comments from the directors and the actors. The Russos never lied, they said this is a love story between two brothers but you are left open to interpret their relationship. Chris Evans sums it up best, “he chooses Bucky.” That's how they wrote it, that's how they acted it and that is what I saw on screen. Too many people are complaining about that kiss with Sharon and while I do think that was not needed, the rest of the film stands on its merits. Hopefully I worked Sharon into this story that makes that kiss tolerable to some of you, lol. In part, this chapter was written in defense of all those who didn't think they got Stucky in this film. The other part was my therapy, my God did this movie hurt my heart but in a good way. Sure I would've changed a thing or two but I think that's normal of any movie, no matter how much you love/hate it. I watched Civil War four times and I feel just as emotionally spent as I did previously. This movie gets better with each viewing and also breaks your heart a little more each time lol. Even proofreading this chapter made my heart hurt lol. There is a line I write in here that I read from another work of fiction, the line works in the context of what I was doing. Big props to those who recognize it.  
> Anyways, enough talk, I hope you really enjoy this chapter.

* * *

 

Steve feels like shit.

Lagos is receiving wall to wall news coverage and while he feels awful, terrible about the innocent victims, he also feels like the world's most selfish bastard right because his mind keeps drifting to only one thing.. him. He turns off the TV and makes his way to Wanda. He hope his words give her comfort. This was as much his fault as it was hers, she tells him. The mention of Bucky was enough to throw him off. This wasn't the first time and he fears it won't be the last.

Rumlows words still echo in his ears. So many questions but that bastard is dead. He sheds no tears for the asshole but what did he mean? Did Rumlow see Bucky after SHIELD fell? Was it before? Does Hydra have Bucky? Or was Rumlow just bullshitting him? The television keeps talking about the innocent victims and the only victim in his head is Bucky. Bucky who was tortured, abused. Steve had already spent countless nights thinking about all the ways Hydra turned his best friend into a weapon, into a thing and less than a person. Bucky was a person, the 7 year old boy who helped him up in the playground. The 16 year old teen who could date any girl he wanted, who everyone wanted to be friends with but stuck to Steve like glue even when Steve was down.

Of course from here it gets only worst when Tony and Secretary Ross arrives. Tony has valid points, but he remembers vividly what happened to him in SHIELD. And the numerous arrests, from your average Joe to your US Senators that followed after SHIELD fell. Maybe Sam was right he does have some sort of PTSD because he is starting to relate to Fury's trust issues.

And when the universe has already kicked him down, that text. Seriously a text, who does that? Some people nowadays have no manners.. and he grew up during the depression.. in Brooklyn.

* * *

 

It's been four years since defrost and Steve was finally starting to plant his foot on the ground, to feel like he wasn't walking on quicksand. With Peggy, he'd expected it, prepared for it even but you can never prepare for something like this. The incident with Rumlow is still fresh on his mind and this was just adding salt to the wound, the wound which still has the knife in it, said knife being twisted... Peggy's right he does have a flare for the dramatics. He can at least smile at that one. And he can take comfort in Natasha's hug. Wanda may be the one with the power to read minds but Natasha has some weird ESP with it comes to him but he'll take it. He hugs her tight, something to hold onto because he feels like he's sinking again.

He lets her leave to Vienna to sign the treaty. He won't.. he can't. Sharon's eulogy still ring in his ear and he could picture it in his mind, Peggy telling him the same thing. It's good to see Sharon again though, although he wished it was under better circumstances and what's up with him and his thing with Carter woman. Like he didn't need any more surprises this week. But chatting with her makes for a nice distraction as what is turning out to be a most shitty week.

Then Sam comes over.. and what the hell?

* * *

 

He hates the thought of putting Bucky down like some sort of wild animal but if someone is getting to Bucky, it'll be him. He owes it to Bucky, that if he is this far gone, that if he needs to be put down then it would be him. It would be done with mercy, with dignity and with a promise that one day he will be back with _his_ Bucky. Peggy's gone and it looks like Bucky is too.. again. He can feel himself sinking again but at least Sharon is proving herself to be more than a pretty face and God he can kiss her with the intel she just provided. There's no time to waste.

He has to get to Bucky first.

* * *

 

"Why did you pull me out of the water?" Steve calls out. He believes him when he said he didn't bomb Vienna. He believes it because he knows. He knows in his heart that it's him. It's really him. M _y buddy, my pal, my Bucky._

  


Even if its just a shred of the man he knew, he'll take it.

"I don't know."

“You do know _” ..you lying piece of shit.. you can't just fucking stand there and lie to my face and I'd hit you right now if I didn't want to hug you so much._

But since Steven Grant Rogers can never catch a break, there's no happy reunion, no time for questions and hugs and punches to the shoulder. Instead, there's guns drawn and battering rams and a sixth sense of knowing what Bucky will do next. As soon as the grenade is tossed his direction he knows what to do with the shield, to use it as a cover as it explodes. He bends slightly to make it easier for Bucky to put his arm over his shoulder while he raises his shield to deflect bullets. Okay, he didn't expect Bucky pushing him outside and for a split second thought he was going to punch him in the face instead of grabbing a bag through the floor. But it's him, it's really him and Steve can't help but smirk on the inside.

He says he won't kill, but "Come on man." Still, Steve chases after him because apparently we have another person crashing the party.

_Are those claws?_

By the end of it, Natasha has that “told you so” face but he can breath a small sigh of relief.

“This is what making things worst looks like.” She tells him.

 _So what_ , he thinks. "He's alive."

* * *

 

" _My name is Bucky_."

Steve keeps his face neutral, at least he thinks it is. There's a million thoughts, emotions going through him and if he lets at least one show then he's a goner. Right now, everything is too much, Bucky is back but in chains. There's Tony to deal with and Ross and the fact that he tackled a prince.. err King? But Bucky is here, he's safe.. for now. How can he keep him safe Steve thinks to himself. Part of him was so desperate that he was willing to sign the accords but Natasha is right, he needs to read the terrain and right now he's running out of options.

Part of him wishes that Tony never brought up Wanda. Seriously, why keep her on house arrest. It's no worst than what they are doing to Bucky. Ok well maybe not worst but whatever, he's had a lot to deal with. They can go back home, he can make sure Bucky gets the treatment he needs. He doesn't know what to do, especially since he hasn't had five minutes alone with his best friend. If he can only see him, to talk to him, maybe he can figure out what to do. What Bucky wants to do? Hydra's never gave him a choice for secen decades, he doesn't want to be dictating how Bucky should live his life. Bucky's been on his own now for two years and he never once made contact with him. Steve could feel hurt by that but that was Bucky's choice. He will respect his choice. But he will damn well find out why.

All of these thoughts is starting to give him vertigo. _God, how did they end up here?_

Wait. How did they .. how did Bucky get back here? Steve talks and turns back to Sharon and Sam. The gears in their minds working as well.

The power dies and once again Sharon proves her worth in gold with another dose of useful intel. He feels a little bit bad that he may have been a little harsh on her the last time he saw her back in DC. But he runs for life towards Bucky.

The look on his face, he seen it before, it's not Bucky. Of course, it wouldn't be that easy. Even with the file Natasha gave him, he still doesn't know the extent of what Hydra did to him, the way they broke and used his mind. Okay, maybe he knows why Bucky has stayed away. Was Steve a trigger? Or did that doctor do something? Either way, he knows that Bucky's in there and he has to get him.. but first he has to get out of this elevator shaft.

He hears the sound of the chopper as he runs out into the roof.

_Oh, hell NO!_

Steve grabs and holds on for dear life. He remembers the cold, the wind, the feel of his arms outstretched and the sound of Bucky yelling as his body got smaller and smaller as he fell.

 _The endless nightmares, the cold sweats, the turning of his stomach. The tears. No, not again_! He's not letting go this time, he won't.

He can't.

The chopper is down but Bucky.. the Winter Soldier has him by his neck. The crash has the chopper dangling off the edge of the rood. It's going to fall. He can feel Bucky's grip loosen. But he remembers the Tri-Scelion, fighting a million men in the elevator and jumping a hundred (okay maybe twenty) flights down. He remembers the train and not jumping.

As the helicopter falls over, he falls over too because... because the last time.. the last time Bucky fell, Steve didn't go after him.

And it's nice to repay the favor as he brings Bucky up from the water to swim to shore. He can feel Bucky breathing and Steve feels relief. But Steve isn't taking any chances of letting Bucky out of his sight. He stumbles back onto dry land, Bucky is still unconscious and he thinks, how can he hold Bucky down.

* * *

 

Steve doesn't know what will happen next. By the time people will believe him about the doctor, it might be too late. God only knows what they will do to Bucky. Bucky is the longest fucking POW alive and yet they won't even give him a lawyer, it's a shame though, he heard about these two guys in Hell's Kitchen. It's moments like this that give him anxiety when people call him Captain _America._ And Tony wonders why he doesn't sign the accord. They can't treat him as a vet, nor even a person. They treat him like an animal, strapped into a cage. More people are dead now but thats because of Hydra's programming, not Bucky. If they take Bucky, then that's just another victory for Hydra. He once told Tony that the safest hands were their own and now he knows that safest hands.. the safest place for Bucky is with him. It is only in himself who Steve trusts to keep Bucky safe.

But first, there is the doctor to deal with. The one who knows how to control Bucky, to make him a weapon. It makes him sick. And Steve also knows first hand what ONE winter soldier can do but five. Five even deadlier than the one Steve faced. Steve shakes his head. Of course this is his life right now. They are on their own with the accords holding the Avengers back, not like Ross would believe them. The plan Sam come up with is crazy, still not sure how a tic tac can help them. And he doesn't have his phone and can't look up what a tic tac is. But he doesn't argue with Sam too much. Sam is still hesitant that it is Bucky but Steve knows and Sam just looks on suspiciously. But as a show of trust, he lets Bucky take the back seat on their newly acquired get away car, allows Bucky to be out of Sam's line of sight as Sam sits in front. But when Steve squeezes inside, he wonders if Sam's choice was more of comfort than trust.

At least they don't need to drive far to get their gear back.

He really can't thank Sharon enough for all she's done for him.. for Bucky (even after he tried to kill her, opps). Nearly a hundred years old but time is fleeting. They never did get to have that cup of coffee. He thinks about all the what ifs in life. He may never see her again, especially since they will undoubtedly come for her. And technically he's a fugitive, on the run, with the world's deadliest (also most wanted) assassin. Even if they make it out of this, it seems things will still be bleak. He probably won't even see her again, at least not a for a while.

 _Fuck it_ , he thinks and kisses her. The look Bucky and Sam give him makes him red but inside his brain is patting him on the back. _Go Rogers_ , he tells himself.

* * *

 

Scott Lang is a talker, even when he's the size of a grain of rice. He should be surprised but hey he knows a guy named Vision and someone just tied his hands up with webbing? But Scott proves his usefulness when he hands him back his shield. It's clear that Tony and the rest of them want to bring them in instead of following the real threat. Man, that cat-king is getting on Steve's nerves. He throws the shield at him, can't he just leave Buck alone for five seconds.  The battle that ensues is unnecessary but Captain America makes a mental note of new ways to train if they make it out of this... if they can somehow come back from this. He also wonders if membership to the Avengers should require a minimum age (where the hell did Tony find this kid). But then again Vision is a year old.

Sam proves once again what a friend he is. This isn't the real fight, he says. He and Bucky have to get out of here and goddamn, Scott is looking like he can be his new best friend... _second best_ he thinks quickly. He's grateful for the diversion.. the big giant humongous diversion as he and Bucky make their way to the quinjet.

But of course before they can get on board, Natasha is there. But he doesn't move, doesn't talk. He gives her a look and words are meaninglyess. She knows as well as he does that they are getting on that plane.

_If it was the other way around, and it was down to me to save your life and you be honest with me.. do you trust me to do it?_

She shocks the cat-king.

He is grateful for her and Sam, his first real friends that he made after defrost.

But the others are also his friends. Clint, who could've been with his family but is here. Wanda, who was a victim herself just trying to do the right thing. And well Scott is Scott. He's sure they would be friends if given the time. But time is something they don't have and he has no time for the guilt that is threatening to seep in. They had agreed to this, but it doesn't make it any easier but he'll deal with it.

“I don't know if I'm worth all this, Steve.” Bucky says calmly.

Steve holds back, trying to respond appropriately and not say _yes, you are, you asshole._

He remembers previously:

_“It wasn't me. I don't do that anymore.”_

_“Well the people who think you did are coming here right now and they're not planning on taking you alive.”_

_“Nice one, good strategy.”_

Then there's the fact that Bucky at any time could've broken out of that cage at any time in Berlin.

There's the notebook with his picture in it, scribbled notes and fragments of memory.

Two years and he never made contact with him.

It isn't a question if Steve thinks Bucky is worth it (because he is), but if Bucky believes that he himself is worth it.

He tries to deflect, to say something. Anything.

“What you did all those years ago. It wasn't you.” His voice sounds sadder than he means to. “You didn't have a choice.”

“I know.. but I did it.”

And well, he can't argue with that.

* * *

 

He's nervous. Two against, five? Maybe six. Well he dealt with Nazi's, and aliens and robots. The solider in him is running plans in his mind, trying to ready himself for whatever challenge lies ahead but as the back door of the quinjet opens, the cold air hits his face, he remembers none of that.

Instead, the chill has unlocked words A memory, from a simpler time, a happier time.. when he and Bucky froze their assess off hitchhiking in the back of a freezer truck. Then there's the redheat Dot, haha.. how could he forget Dot.

The memory is random, pointless even given their situation at hand. But Steve guesses that's the point. A memory shared between two friends who are a hundred years old. Its the most normal thing they've done since 1944. It's a miracle they're even together now.

Who knew miracles hurt so much.

 

* * *

 

Steve Rogers has fucked up. He knows that now. He doesn't blame Tony but he doesn't blame Bucky either.

“Get out of here!” He tells Bucky.

He's going to protect him but Tony as well. Tony is redhot and he wants to prevent him from doing something that they both will reget. Tony deserved better. The truth was he did know HYDRA killed his parents, he wasn't sure it was Bucky but deep down, he knew it was him. Zola practically spelled it out for him in that bunker.

But it's clear Tony won't give up and he won't either.

“I remember them all.” His super hearing picks up Bucky's words and it gives him strength to fight for Bucky to protect him against all the pain inflicted onto him. An anger rises up from his chest from all the things done to his best friend. The guilt for letting go of Bucky has weighed him down for over 70 years. He can't imagine the pain and anguish Bucky must feel and his words on the quinjet ring truer than ever.

“ _I know.. but I did it.”_

But he dials it back, only wanting to stop Stark, but there's no reasoning with him. He doesn't blame Stark's anger but this is going south real fast. Steve wants this to stop, Tony wants this to end.. to _end_ Bucky. Steve can't, won't let that happen Too much has happened to Bucky. He doesn't deserve this. He doesn't deserve anyone's hate. He's as much a victim as Stark. But Stark and his fancy suit is relentless. He needs to protect Bucky and Bucky shares in this and protects Steve. They work in unison trying to stop Stark, bouncing the shield back and forth between each other but when Steve falls, he can see Bucky's own anger rise to the surface. For a moment, he sees the solider and light.

Blinding, terrifying light.

Steve's terrified too. He remembers a blast of light and Bucky falling into the terrible abyss.

The flash is gone and there's Bucky. Bucky, spinning and then falling.. with his metal arm blown off.

  
The doctor's told Steve's mom that there's a good chance he may never live past his twenties. Age 16, no one was sure he'd make it to twenty. Lying in bed, he could make out his mom's sobs while Bucky assured her that Steve would be alright. That she can go to work while he stayed to care for Steve. She agreed because she HAD to work, they were already poor enough as it is. This wasn't the first time Bucky helped out but Steve was never this bad either. Bucky stayed by his side and by some miracle Steve made it out alive. But Bucky ended up flunking a couple of classes, lost his part time job at the docks, his parents were livid. Yet, no matter how much Steve would protest, telling Bucky he could go. Bucky wouldn't hear about it. _Steve, stop being an ass._ After, Steve started to count all the times Bucky had saved his life. Truly saved his life and not just saved him from another fight. By the time the war started, Steve had already lost count.

He once told Tony, he's never seen his dark side. Well. First time for everything.

Steve lets his anger go as he runs, shield raised towards Stark.

* * *

 

“But he's my friend.” He says but its more than that, he's everything he ever had, he's.. He's HOME.

Bucky is home. Saying that plants Steve's feet to the ground and he never felt this steady since 1944.

He rises. He explodes.

Every punch is for Bucky:

For when he fell.

For his lost arm.

For when Hydra tortured him.

For when Hydra scrambled his brain.

For when Hydra made Bucky kill.

For when Hydra made Bucky try to kill him.

For when Hydra took his memory. His dignity. His humanity. Torture would've been mercy, what HYDRA did, there is no word for that kind of evil.

He punches and gets punched back. But he won't back down.

“I could do this all day.”

The words never rang any truer. Because in that moment, he doesn't see Tony or Iron Man, he sees someone who is trying to hurt his friend. His friend who did EVERYTHING for him. Instead he sees all those who have done Bucky wrong and lays it onto Stark. Finally, he digs his shield into Tony's helmet. Tony's look of fear and shock is enough to bring him back off the edge. He digs the shield into his chest instead.

He ends the fight and is out of breath.

He is sorry for hurting Tony.

But he'll never be sorry for protecting Bucky, for choosing Bucky.

He will always choose Bucky.

* * *

 

"My father made that shield!!" The words ring loud in his ear.

He remembers picking it up the first time only to have Peggy shoot at it three times. There was the flimsy prop he used while trying to sell war bonds across America, a cab door that was ripped off, a garbage can lid in a back alley. All things used for protection.

But he remembers his first shield, his first protector against the cruelty of the world.

Steve pauses, only to tighten his grip on Bucky. An image of the shield falling from the hellicarrier flashes through his mind. Just like then, there are no second thoughts, no moment of hesitation.

The vibranium shield drops unceremoniously to the ground.

And Steve limps away, he already has who he needs.

* * *

 

Some time passes and he and Bucky can rejoice and reminsce about other random, pointless but highly amusing tales of their past. It helps keeps their mind off the present. For a moment, they are together again. He cherishes this moment. Gives him some perspective, some time to think.

The SSR, SHIELD, HYDRA, the UN.. the US. It's not about the titles but the people. His faith lies with people, the individual. His faith for Bucky is only stronger now... even though he hates his idiot plan. He asks just one more time to make sure that this is what he wants. Bucky talks and smiles, that asshole. It won't make Steve scowl any less but already he is trying to figure out a way to get that Hydra programming out of him. His faith lies in Bucky. And as they freeze him up, he doesn't protest or make a sound.

“ _Did you believe in your friend? Did you respect him? Then stop blaming yourself. Allow Barnes the dignity of his choice.”_ Damn you, Peggy.

“ _He damn well must've thought you were worth it.”_ He can picture Peggy looking down with a giant smirk. _Yes Peg, you were right and guess what Bucky is worth it too._

Bucky was worth everything.

The END.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> P.S. I did not write about Steve in the prison because I think that happened after Bucky was iced. The midcredit scene shows Steve's face still bruised but the last shot of the movie showed Steve freeing Sam and his face healed. So if people really like this story, I might add in an epilogue addressing that last part of the film. I have some ideas.


End file.
